We live in a world where women are praised for being “strong” and “resilient.” On the outside, it appears to be juggling career, family, friendship and everything in between. But here is the truth: strength can sometimes hide fatigue.
I’ve seen it in my circle. She grits a woman’s teeth and smiles, showing up for others as she runs quietly in the sky. And maybe you felt it yourself: it’s the pull between looking good and actually being okay.
Burnout is not always announcing yourself with a dramatic breakdown. More often it slips quietly and is disguised as everyday habits and coping strategies. So it’s very easy to miss.
If you are wondering if you (the person you love) is struggling quietly, here are nine subtle signs to watch out for.
1. She laughs everything
Humor can be a great coping tool. It allows us to ease the weight of life and connect with others. But when all the struggle is put aside with jokes and quick laughs, it may be more about defence than about joy.
I once found him laughing when I told a friend. The truth is, I’ve completely dried up. Such humor is not light, it’s a shield.
Psychologists call this “masking,” And it often prevents deeper conversations. Friends and colleagues should listen to the joke and proceed, and do not notice any pain underneath the surface. With extreme care, you will notice that humor has not landed as a joy. Landing as a dodge. And evasion is one of Burnout’s favorite hideouts.
2. She’s always “too busy”
Have you noticed how some women pack their calendars full? Work meetings, social gatherings, errands, volunteer activities – anyone who keeps moving.
On the surface, it looks like ambition. But sometimes the busyness is just disguised and burned out. When you are constantly running from one task to another, you don’t have any space left to sit with unpleasant emotions. Busyness can be a distraction from reality.
As Ruda Einde points out Laughing in the face of confusion“The more I try to escape or paralyse the internal confusion, the more powerful the current will become.” His words were full every spare time, just to avoid slowing down, so it hit me hard. When your emotions are screaming for attention, tranquility can be scary.
The paradox is: What appears to be high functionality is often a sign that someone is hanging in a thread. She is not thriving. She is overtaking herself.
3. Her sleep patterns are everywhere
Sleep is often the first victim of burnout. She may collapse into bed early, but she wakes up at 3am with the idea of lace. Or she might continue her scary, slow scroll the next day.
Sleep confusion doesn’t mean you’ll feel a slurp in the morning. That means her nervous system is stuck on overdrive. Even as her body begs for rest, her mind refuses to stop.
I was there – released in bed, exhausted but wired, rehearsed multiple times a list of to-dos for tomorrow. For women pretending to be healthy, lack of sleep is a quiet evidence that something is off.
Consistent research Link burnout to insomniacreates a vicious cycle without being checked. The less she sleeps, the more she is drained. And it becomes difficult to admit that she is struggling. Burnout thrives in its silence.
4. She avoids talking about herself
Have you ever noticed how brilliant some women are to pilot the spotlight from themselves? Ask how they are doing and suddenly you are talking about your own life instead.
This isn’t just politeness. It’s self-protection. Talking about herself may open the door to feelings she is not ready to face. So she avoids vulnerability and instead brings the conversation back to you.
It’s easy to mistake this for “selflessness” or “good listener.” But scratching underneath the surface is often a way of hiding. Pretends to be “fine” feel safer than admitting that she isn’t.
This is one of the trickiest signs as it often looks like strength. However, in this case, avoidance is exhausted with a polite smile.
5. She disregards her struggle
A woman may casually mention, “I’ve been a little tired lately” when actually hanging in a thread. Or she might frame serious stress as “just one such thing.”
This is not a denial, it is survival. I think it’s overwhelming to admit the total weight of her fatigue, so she keeps it to a minimum. Unfortunately, the more she disregards the more isolated she becomes. Others assume she doesn’t need help, and the cycle of silence continues.
This is where Ruda Iande’s insight is true. “When we let go of the need to be perfect, we release ourselves to live fully. I have realized that seeking support is a flaw, with the frequency with which women feel pressured to be “low maintenance.”
But constant minimization is not strength. It’s a quiet cry for support.
6. Her body carries weight
Burnout rarely stays in your mind. It makes a home within the body: tension headache, narrow shoulders, stomach problems, pain of unknown cause.
I have experienced several months of stress that once manifested as a constant migraine. It took me years to realize my body was trying to tell me that my mouth wasn’t saying “it’s not okay.”
Somatic psychology experts emphasize that our bodies speak for us for us. Women who claim to be fine while constantly battling physical symptoms are not lying. She may not really connect the dots yet. But the body is rare.
A recent Swedish study found that some people suffer from burnout Reports many somatic symptoms– Head hash, back pain, stomach problems, sleep problems – more often than people without burnout.
When physical pain becomes a regular and excuses like “just stress” or “nothing serious” are repeated, it is worth asking if burnout has taken root.
7. She will withdraw socially
On paper, she still exists. She will appear at the gathering, send her birthday texts, and possibly post them on social media. But her engagement is on the surface level. The conversation feels flat. She’s there but not Really There.
Emotional burnout can cause even easy interactions to feel drained. So, while she may maintain her appearance, she may quietly fear all social obligations.
Irony? Many women fear that pulling back completely will “disappoint people.” So they carry out their existence secretly longing for solitude.
Retreats don’t always seem to disappear. Sometimes she appears to be “great” in public and collapse in her private life the moment she gets home.
8. She depends on a small escape
Night wine. Endless streaming binge. Scroll until her eyes are blurred. None of these things are inherently bad. However, when they become daily rituals, it often shows deeper fatigue.
As one therapist explained at the seminar I attended, avoidance often poses as relaxation. What appears to be “self-care” can actually be paralyzed.
When coping strategies are piled up, summer, wine, social media, shopping, etc., it’s not dul. It is a quiet attempt to silence the fatigue she doesn’t want to admit.
Burnout doesn’t always scream. It whispers small habits that come together over time. Beware of what she reaches the end of the day. It is often a clue to what she avoids.
9. She’s overreached
Have you met a woman who always says yes, always bends and always prioritizes others? From the outside it looks generous. However, it can be suffocated inside.
I went there myself. I can do yes to everyone else while my own needs are not met. What I’ve learned in pain is that delighting people often comes from emotional fatigue. It’s easier to adhere to than to discuss.
As Iandê reminds us, “Being human means disappointing and hurting others, and the faster we accept this reality, the easier it will be to navigate the challenges of life.” Women who say yes are not thriving. She runs on an autopilot.
An excessive attack may seem compassionate, but in reality it is a signal that she is too tired to hold the boundaries. And the boundaries avoid burnout.
Final thoughts
Burnout doesn’t always look like a collapse. Sometimes it appears that women smile and joke, ensuring everyone is fine.
The danger of ignoring these signs is burning out compounds. The longer the approval, the more difficult it will be to recover. That’s why consciousness is so powerful.
If you see yourself in these patterns, know this: you are not weak, you are not alone. Burnout is not a personal failure. It’s a human experience.
Start small. Take a rest without guilt. Even if your voice is shaking, be honest. And most importantly, remember this: you don’t have to keep pretending you’re fine. Sometimes the brave thing you can do is admit that you are not.
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