The woman who runs a controversial Facebook page where women discuss the men they are dating says it’s a “good group” and essential.
“Are we dating the same guy Aberdeen/shire” is a private group on the social media platform with 6,840 members.
The group says it is “for women in relationships or exclusive relationships who have doubts or concerns about their partner’s fidelity.”
One of the group’s managers, who spoke exclusively to P&J and will only be referred to as “Steph” to protect her identity, said she only took over the role “about two months ago.”
The founder was forced to resign due to threats from the man.
The previous management team, including the founder, stepped down from their roles due to “threats” received from the man.
“People were coming to their addresses and threatening children,” Steph said, adding that it was “quite understandable” they had left their roles because of this.
“I messaged the woman who created it and said, ‘OK, I’d be happy to take it over. I’ll use a throwaway account.’
Steph said she “still receives threats” but believes that by remaining anonymous and using a false name and Facebook account she is protecting herself and her children.
The first group of its kind will be launched in New York City in March 2022, and the mother thinks it will be “very beneficial” for people. DateShe added: “I’m single myself so I know how scary it can be. It’s like going into a pool with sharks.”
“I’m going to listen to men’s opinions.”
“I think people have a right to know what they’re getting into, especially when it comes to other people’s experiences.”
But despite the positives, Steph acknowledges that the group also has its negatives and shortcomings.
Administrators try to “weed out everything we can,” she said.
“Obviously there are a lot of women out there who are trying to cause problems and influence people by posting things that are not true. There’s a very fine line that we try not to cross.
“I have spoken to many men through private messages and helped them. I am happy to listen, but at the same time I have to remain neutral.”
She added: “If there is clear evidence that it’s an ex-partner or someone who is not telling the truth and there is evidence to back that up, I will be happy to remove the post.”
“Some women have been caught doing this just to cause harm and tear families apart.”
“There’s no time for that.
“They will be removed from the group and ostracized.”
Steph said she “somewhat sympathizes” with the men who post on the page and “understands that it’s not okay.”
“But if there is truth behind the allegations, then you have to accept that and realise that you are the problem.
“So maybe it’s time to check that behavior.”
Men cannot join the group
Critics Are we dating the same guy Aberdeen/shire Some say the group is “sexist” and helps to disparage the men who post about it, but Steph doesn’t think that’s the case.
“Our entire team reviews and filters comments.
If there is nothing untoward or evidence that he has done anything like that, I will be happy to remove the post.”
Steph also believes that “whether you’re a woman or a man, you should be able to share your opinions freely.”
“At the end of the day, the reality and the truth is completely different for each person,” she said, adding that some of the people posting about men have themselves experienced domestic violence from men, so not allowing men on the page is a “very tenuous safety net.”
Steph “somewhat understands” the argument that men should be allowed in for self-defence.
She says she’s “100%” in favour of the male version of the question: “Are we dating the same girl Aberdeen/Aberdeenshire?”
“I think it’s great for people who are interested in dating, and it’s ideal for everyone.”
“I’m not just accepting of single women. There are also people whose partners cheat or are unfaithful and I think that’s totally fine.”
Dating “Horror Stories”
In fact, Steph revealed that “quite a few” members have cheated on their partners because of this.
And why does she continue to run the page despite the threat of blackmail? “People are very good at hiding who they really are and the world is very dangerous these days.
“Dating has always been scary, but I think it’s even more so now, especially for women. I don’t feel good about going out on dates or using Tinder right now because there are so many horror stories.”
One thing she will never tolerate is children being threatened, which she says is “absolutely unacceptable.”
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