Long story short, we were both prescribed Adderall and while it worked perfectly for me, my wife couldn’t tolerate the side effects and ended up stopping taking it.
That’s fine, but I have to do all the housework while my wife reverts to the same executive dysfunction I once was. This doesn’t mean I’m married to a do-nothing jerk — I know how my wife feels about struggling to get basic tasks done — but it also means I get no help with household chores, and I have to specifically ask for any help I get.
I have tried to get her to do chores on a regular basis but she only does them for a few days and then goes back to doing my chores.
B.: I am so glad that you have a combination of diagnosis and treatment that makes your dysfunction work.
Also, I think I disagree with you on a lot of things. It’s not like you just take Adderall and that’s it. There are other stimulants, there are non-stimulant drugs, there are non-drug treatments. (I’m not a doctor or a patient, and I don’t play a doctor on TV, I’ve just been in this business a long time.)
And your wife’s decision to go off the meds and stop there is not actually a “it’s fine with me” thing, otherwise your letter wouldn’t exist.
I agree that your wife is not a “scumbag who does nothing.” Even if you put it negatively, it’s a bit harsh, but I understand your point and it needs to be said. Executive dysfunction is a brain problem, not a rights problem.
In reality, it can feel like an entitlement issue if both parties aren’t careful. Do you think resentment is felt differently when a spouse begins to take on all the household responsibilities, becomes exhausted, and the spouse simply stands by and watches? Do you think resentment is different when your wife chooses not to try other forms of treatment than it is when she chooses not to lift a finger to help you?
Again, there is a big difference between disability and rights. It’s surprising.
But if you If you believe your spouse could do more to take on more of the work load at home to help cope with her condition; do not have That way it will be read emotionally as a choice.
So it becomes like the pebble in the couple’s shoe, exhausted, but the person who is obviously not going to cooperate 100%, like a young child or a disabled person, is not going to be that.
So my advice would be to deal with any resentment proactively: ask her to find other treatment options, or more precisely, accept that her executive-functioning spouse will find other treatment options for her, and if not, state why that is not possible.
And/or get an electronic calendar system with a beep and run it (sorry).
And/or simplify everything.
For example, make your home life sustainable, because what drains you now will break you down later if no relief is found.
