How should I talk to my daughters about safe sex? We live in a state that has criminalized women’s reproductive health care, and I’m scared.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have questions about care and feeding? Please submit here.

Dear care and food,

I come from a liberal environment where comprehensive sex education is the norm, and I always wanted to do the same for my children. But things have changed and the “talk” I always planned is no longer working.

The current political climate has me confused. Like any good parent, I was ready to answer awkward questions, provide condoms, and buy Plan B. Because abstinence-only sex education leads to teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. But I wasn’t prepared for having to cover a burner phone, a passport, and an abortion bounty hunter. “Practicing safe sex is important, but if you think you might be pregnant, don’t Google it. Pay cash for a pregnancy test. And never tell your boyfriend, because if you decide to go to Mexico to get an abortion, Border Patrol will take your cell phone. I’d like to think my daughters are smart enough to conclude on their own that safe sex isn’t that safe anymore, but hormones and brain development don’t always make for the best decisions. Do you have any tips to overcome this situation?

–Even safe sex is dangerous here.

To all safe sex people

As scary as it may be, tell your daughters the truth. If you live in an area where abortion is illegal or highly restricted, be careful not to text us about your unwanted pregnancy or ask us how to get an abortion. You should also tell your partner to make sure you can completely trust them not to report before you share the news. Find out for yourself which states offer abortions near you and how to secure care if you need it. Help your daughters understand that sex is always risky, but the risks are heightened where they live, and encourage them to consider that when deciding what to do and where to go after high school. Make condoms available and tell them to take birth control pills if they want to be sexually active (preferably if they’re still available). Admit that talking about sex with your mom is absolutely disgusting, but it’s better to endure an awkward conversation than to end up in an avoidable difficult situation. Encourage your children to wait until they are completely sure they are ready to have sex and only have sex with people they trust. Talk openly about how boys often take advantage of girls for sex, or go tell others that you’ve been intimate with a girl. Tell them about the double standards for girls and boys, and that they shouldn’t make their own choices, but can be punished for simply respecting their own desires. Make sure they understand what the main sexually transmitted infections are and how to get treatment. These are scary times for sure, but the more you share with your girls, the better prepared they will be.

–Jamila

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I am a very open and honest parent of a curious 8 year old daughter. Sometimes we have long discussions about a wide range of topics. I try to answer as honestly as possible, but within reason, depending of course on whether it’s appropriate for her to know something yet. But I can’t think of a suitable answer to the question “What is sex?” she asked twice now. I froze and told her I would talk to her when I had time to explain properly.